Book Report : 50 Shades of Grey

No  doubt everyone's heard about this best seller by one E. L. James. Accurately described as "mommy porn", it really offers little else.
The story goes that Anastasia Steele, a college graduate, interviews a business magnate, Christian Grey, as a favour to her friend/roommate, who writes for their college newspaper. A few chance encounters see "Ana" asked out on a date by the young Christian, whose dark, brooding nature intrigues Ana. After being invited to his apartment, he reveals to her his infatuation with BDSM, and shows her his "playroom", a chamber containing all his tools for domination.

Saying the book has a plot, is like saying... Actually, it's lying. The characters are too thin, and show as much originality as an LOL with a straight face.
Ana has ZERO self confidence, expressed by her thoughts of constant self doubt and comparison("Does he like me?" "Did I just disappoint him?" "Why is she so good looking?").

The sex.
The book's been classified as an erotic novel. And that's it.
The funny thing about the sex scenes, is how Ana says that sex with Christian is the "best thing ever".
Why is that funny?
Because up until her Greyfication, she is a virgin.
That's right. Without any previous knowledge or yardstick WHATSOEVER, she deems him King of Clit.
Hmm.
"How his giant erect penis even fit in would puzzle me for days".
PLEASE! A Viennese hotdog would seem like a monster to her.

She's made to sign a contract with Grey, where she isn't allowed to tell anyone of their sexual encounters.
Which, by the way, include -
* Whipping
* Gagging
* Fisting ( read : Skewering)
And a lot more.
Sure, if a good looking rich guy does it to you, it's romance. If not, it's a crime.

Onto Christian Grey.
*Blank*
A young, successful entrepreneur, he's mysterious, brooding and authoritative.
Mm, what a delicious side of CLICHE!
He has a weird food thing, constantly trying to stuff Anastasia with food (overbearing much?), and turned on by stupid little things like her sucking at her lips.
Seriously?
Of all the things she could be sucking, her lips turn you on?
Owh Kaaay...

Oh, last but not the least, repetition. Here is a simple counter, to show exactly how narrow and expression-limited Ana and Christian are :

Word Count: 
"Oh My" - 79
"Crap" - 101
"Jeez" - 82
"Holy (shit/fuck/crap/hell/cow/moses)" - 172
"Whoa" - 13
"Gasp" - 34
"Gasps" - 11
"Sharp Intake of Breath" - 4
"Murmur" - 68
"Murmurs" - 139
"Whisper" - 96
"Whispers" - 103
"Mutter" - 28
"Mutters" - 23
"Fifty" - 16
"Lip" - 71
"Inner goddess" - 58
"Subconscious" - 82

Inner Goddess refers to her vagina, just FYI.

So that's that.
50 Shades of Grey is a great book, if you think a misogynistic entrepreneur with food issues dominating a wreck with no self esteem, all covered in overtly worded wrapping paper of sex, then this book will give you just that.

Hairy days...

Day 23 of No-Shave November. Weather cold. Hair everywhere.

Except for me of course. Because my facial hair chooses to take a sabbatical when I need it.
Oh well, patchy hair is as patchy hair does!

So I haven't told you anything about my book.
Not it's name, not what it's about, nothing about it's characters.
Patience, my apprentice. All in good time.
I'm trying to create a good book description, so check this space for updates!

Posts will now be relatively shorter, but hopefully more frequent.

Cheers!

What's in a name?

Naming a book, or a character for that matter, is a little like naming your baby.
You love your book, and the characters you write about, creating them from nothing at all, and watch them grow as the pages turn.
So, you watch, read and listen.
How do you choose the name of your book?
Do you choose a word or a phase that accurately describes it?
Does the word or phrase even have to be related to the book?

It is a huge decision indeed, because the name of a book is part of what defines it, while the name of a character is what brings to mind someone the reader hates, or loves, or pities.
Listen for names that trigger memories of your book/character. List out the names you love. List out the names you hate.
USE THEM AS YOU SEE FIT.
That's the great thing about writing your own book, you essentially play god!

You'll notice that in this post, I've treated my readers as writers themselves. Just a bit of encouragement to any aspiring novelists reading this. =)
 I've followed almost this exact template anyway, and there's really no distinction.

Also, give http://outoftheboxthinking124.blogspot.com/ a read.
The blog's about all things creative, and it's author was the inspiration that led to the creation of this very blog.

To write or not to write. Is that the question?

Fine, I'll admit it. Most of the time I complain about not having time to write, when in fact I've just wasted four hours playing GTA. It's an amazing way to squander time you don't really have, and quite frankly, I enjoy it!
But after all the cheats have been used, and all things blowable  have been blown up, you sit in front of a blank page, wondering where all the time's gone.
Yes ladies and gents, procrastination can hunt us down, crossing the most innocent of desires, like wanting to watch the latest episode of Castle, and resulting in us cursing ourselves, saying, "Why?"

Ive realized this, too late I might add, and have set up two suitable measures to rectify the situation.

1) NO GTA!

    No GTA = no cheats, no cars, no weapons = hours saved!
    Which by extension, means keeping nothing turned on/online unless it is instrumental to your writing. Goodbye Youtube!
   

 

2)Setting aside "Writing time"

   Call it "Me time" or "Free time" or "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! time", the fact of the matter is, we are creatures of habit. Schedules rule our lives, whether we want them to or not. So set a bit of time in the day, when you're on your own, don't have to walk the dog or take out the trash or go bungee jumping, and can simply sit down (or stand up, whatever's your thing) and WRITE.

Two simple but extremely effective methods to keeping procrastination at bay.

If you really have your heart set on getting your self published, this is a demon to fight. Or you might end up saying...

Not necessarily to your cousin, but you get the picture.
See what I did there?

Until next time!